So, what exactly is the person on the eve of her jubilee thinking about? Well, she’s reflecting upon lots of things*, but mainly her books and her implausible professional dreams directly attached to each and every book in her library.
Looking back, I have to admit that I wasn’t the best scholar in this atrocious year, and that Covid isn’t the only thing I have to put the blame on for my unimpressive results. My progress has been slow, and I was slow with doing things, which is bad. But. In the middle of the darkest times, when my scholar self-esteem (we can speak about it I suppose, right?) was so low that my Imposter Syndrome could’ve got the powers of any of notorious comic heroes had I revealed it from within yet I knew: I love what I am subjected to. Lovecraftiana and Horror/Weird fiction studies is *the* thing that I want–and, hopefully, will–do in my academic life, so some fiat lux in there.
And it helps to come through many things, and becoming old is the most insignificant one of them.
I will celebrate tomorrow. And my books and memorabilia – from beloved Hippocampus Press, the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society, Chaosium Inc. etc. will be my guests. And not even virtual, but absolutely real.
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*I hope that addressing myself in the third person doesn’t sound lame
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